Mental health used to be something spoken about in hushed tones behind closed doors, if at all. Today’s kids are growing up in an increasingly stressed and anxious world, making it normal for moms to attempt to shield them as much as possible from these realities—making dealing with stress and anxiety more important than ever. The fact is, there’s no need to be scared of talking about mental health. Because when we make these type of discussions ordinary, and even a part of our everyday dialogue with children, it provides them with the same message as someone going to the gym for their physical health — namely that physical health is important and asking for help from others isn’t actually a sign of weakness but rather a strength.
Interestingly, developing emotional awareness and self-control isn’t so different from staying calm and strategic during a game of baccarat—both require mindfulness, patience, and the ability to manage emotions under pressure. Teaching kids this kind of balance early on helps them build lifelong emotional resilience.
Start Early and Keep It Simple
You don’t have to wait for a crisis to discuss mental health. Begin weaving these conversations into everyday life when children are little. Just as you teach them to brush their teeth for physical health, explain how we also need to maintain our mental and emotional health. Speak to them using age appropriate language and ideas that they already know. For younger kids, compare the brain to other body parts: “Sometimes our brains need help just like sometimes we need medicine when our bodies are sick.”
Talk about mental health as a matter of routine rather than just one conversation. It also makes the topic feel normal, that it’s always fine when they want to talk about it. These don’t have to be formal sit-downs — some of the best conversations occur on car rides, while cooking a meal together or at bedtime.
Conversation Starters by Age:
- Ages 5-7: “Everyone has feelings that can be big sometimes. What makes you feel worried or sad?”
- Ages 8-11: “Sometimes our brains can feel stressed or overwhelmed. Have you noticed times when you feel that way?”
- Ages 12-14: “Mental health is about how we think and feel. It’s something everyone deals with, just like physical health.”
- Ages 15+: Open discussions about stress, anxiety, depression, and the importance of seeking support when needed
Create a Judgment-Free Zone
The manner you handle it when your child shares their feelings with you creates the template for all future conversations. Don’t diminish their experiences with “You’re too young to be stressed” or “Just think positive.” Instead, actively listen and acknowledge how they feel. Sometimes children need to be heard and understood, not that you have all the answers.
Tell the truth when you don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to help at the moment, but I’m glad you told me and we will deal with this together is a very strong message. It shows humility and lets them know that they can always come talk to you, even about jammy things.
Share Your Own Experiences
Age appropriate self-disclosure is amazingly powerful. Bringing your own experiences with stress, anxiety or tough emotions out into the open helps children recognize that they’re not alone. You can say, “I was always a wreck in test when I was your age.” Here’s what helped me.” It’s inspiring because it willingly draws attention to struggling and makes clearly visible that mental health issues are part of the human experience.
Wrapping Up
We need to talk to kids about mental health, and it’s one of the most important conversations that as a parent we can have. By talking about it from a young age, creating an environment of shared safety, and normalizing these talks, we give our kids the language to advocate for their own mental health. And remember, you don’t need to have all the answers or be perfect—just to show up and listen. These conversations set the stage for a lifetime of mental health knowledge and self care.